How to Support a Friend or Loved One in an Abusive Relationship

Hearing that someone you care about is experiencing domestic violence can be overwhelming. You may feel helpless, angry, or unsure of what to do. The truth is, your support can make a life-changing difference. Survivors often need someone who will listen, believe them, and stand beside them as they navigate incredibly difficult choices.

What You Can Do

1. Listen Without Judgment

   • Survivors may feel ashamed or afraid to share their story.

   • Avoid asking “Why don’t you just leave?” Instead, say: “I believe you. This is not your fault.”

2. Respect Their Choices

   • Leaving an abuser is often the most dangerous time. Survivors need to move at their own pace.

   • Offer support without pressuring them to take steps they may not be ready for.

3. Offer Resources

   • Share information about local shelters, hotlines, or counseling.

   • Encourage safety planning (without insisting).

4. Be Consistent

   • Abusers isolate their victims. By staying present—through texts, visits, or calls—you remind survivors they are not alone.

5. Take Care of Yourself

   • Supporting someone in crisis can be emotionally draining. Set boundaries and seek your own support if needed.

What Not to Do

• Don’t confront the abuser—it can put both you and the survivor at greater risk.

• Don’t minimize their experience by saying things like, “It can’t be that bad.”

• Don’t spread their story to others without permission. Trust is crucial.

How Your Support Helps

Knowing someone believes in them can give survivors the strength they need to eventually take action. Even small gestures—listening over coffee, sending a supportive message, or offering childcare—can create hope and reduce isolation.

Final Thought

You may not be able to stop the abuse yourself, but you can be a lifeline of hope. By listening, believing, and standing by survivors without judgment, you help create the foundation for healing and safety.

💜 If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, confidential help is available 24/7 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or by texting “START” to 88788.